Nick Moore -Why bother? - ARCHIVED

Google Street view. Find yourself. I found Wally...

2009-03-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

New! From the people who brought you "spot yourself in your garden on Google Earth" and "Google yourself" comes find yourself in Street View So here we have Google's Street View which seems fun, sure. But what use does it have past sending web users in a frenzy looking for Wally. Yes. apparantly Google has hidden Wally, off of "Where's Wally" on a street somewhere. I'm looking, I'm looking... I found Wally. Sort of. And now here he is for real... Seems like Google needs to do something like this Wally thing to actually get people using the new system. As a user, I found that I needed to have seen how good the Street View is before I considred using it. Before I figured out how to get it up, I was sure of another gimmick, like the limited traffic data it offers. But actually, once I'd "walked" a few streets I realised how useful the tool would be for map users: the aim of Google maps is to find out where you are going. It might be nice to know what kind of area you are visitng, if it is run down or what type of shops/restaurants is has on it.

I have a problem with the way that you select the tool. Google Maps USA used to have 'Street View' prominent like the 'Traffic' button. Now you have to click and drag a little man. What's the little fella got to do with Street view? pictures are taken from a car's POV. It seems a bit sluggish to me that i cannot just select street view from the top - it shows up the highlighted streets in blue - i click on a spot to zoom in. Why all this dragging Street-View-Steve around? seems like too much hard work.

I don't know about this privacy thing. Seems like people being silly because they were walking along the road, or in thier living rooms with the curtains open, and that's then in public view, isn't it? Won't be long before we all walk the streets with masks on, so nobody can see our faces. Observe here the power of the face blur. Nobody knows his scret blend of 1 million herbs and spices, but I'm sure all know who it is, don't we?? What can google do with our faces anyway? Oh no! Mr Google saw me 1st thing in the morning without any make up on. I'm waiting for The Mirror to come out with "Google Street View ruined my marrage" or something. You know, wife sees husband's naked bottom through curtains of best friend's house? Good Times.

Strange graffiti

2009-03-16T15:39:00.001-07:00

I went to see Watchmen on the weekend and i loved it so much. As a massive fan of the source material I was scared of it being rubbish. But after I'd seen the trailer with the Smashing Pumpkins song I knew it was going to be faithful enough to be a great.

Anyway, this is not another Watchmen review. When I went to the toilet (I held it in because I just didn't want to miss anything!) there was some really strange scrawl on the Vue-Reading toilet walls.

what's that all about? Cancer is now cool or something?
Back in my day we used to draw willies on walls, or write "bet you can't wet this graffiti" high above the urinals.
The kids of today are tagging medical conditions, apparently...

Why I'm not going to see Michael Jackson at the O2.

2009-03-13T17:29:00.000-07:00

Back in the day when I was at uni my mate regularly made me jealous by recounting the time he went to the MJ HIStory(see what he did there?) tour.

Now, I'm not as big a fan as this fella is, or was, but I want to make it clear before I go Jacko bashing that I consider his music to be some of the best sounds to be created by man since Onomatopoeia was invented.

So I have always said, after being all green-faced; that if the King of Poppers ever did a UK tour Id' be there in the queue with all those nutters who think they can Moonwalk. So I was, of course, was excited when this announcement was made I thought about it and decided not to go- I surprised myself.

The first reason I gave myself was that I've got a very expensive year planned and was already blowing monies on my first ever Glastonbury ticket. After years of wishing my little brother was taking me with him I am going and get excited every time I think about it. (like just then! wooo!)

The real reason, I've realised, is that I think it will spoil it all for me. After growing up with Thriller and Bad on vinyl, Dangerous on cassette and then HIStory on CD, I have the perfect sounds of his songs in my head (or on my walkman!) whenever I need them. If I saw an old, broken and sad looking Michael perform these songs, it might really ruin it for me. You know, shatter the illusion of the all powerful performer hidden within the obviously messed-up human being?

Compare it, perhaps, to asking Ali to step into the ring...

He was the greatest, and no-one can ever take away history. Ali is an extreme(+unfair) example, because of his illness, but I suppose I am scared that Michael will not fulfill the high expectations he has provided me with. But he does not seem the man he used to be, so is he the performer he used to be?

Then again, he could pull it out of the bag like Chris Moyles climbing a mountain and be amazing! He could be like willy wonka and hobble on to stage and then, whammo! Back flips and Moonwalks and fireworks! Oh darn it, maybe I do want to go after all? Anyone got a spare ticket?

Krypton Factor

2007-08-13T10:40:00.000-07:00

In a shock change from my usual habit of googling (yes, I am using it as a verb) my own name, I decided to see what would happen if I used the name of some chap off the telly. Ftn on my didgibox is showing The Krypton Factor and there was a Hot Air Balloon pilot, and when I searched his name him, I found out that since being on the show... (wait for it, it's cool!) won an award for doing what ever Hot Air Balloon pilots do, (well done Austin) forced a water-company's van off the road, then he changed his name to "Asia" and is now a woman. Yep. Hormones, dresses and over-sized high heels. Lovely.
By the way, he didn't win the show, as he was complete bilge at the obstacle course.

Thames

2007-08-12T09:56:00.000-07:00

Went HERE today, except is wasn't flooded. But boy! Could I see that it had been. It was very stinky. But I doooo love the outdoors, and I think I need to sp0end more time near rivers and trees and things. You know? Well maybe you do. Maybe you're a farmer. It just takes away the worries and all the tripe that comes along with modern worries like money and houses and jobs. Trees don't have jobs (would YOU employ a tree? No, neither would I. Although there IS Peter Crouch. and Keanu Reeves is made of wood, so... Anyway-) Instead of festering I think I'm going to just go outdoors and stop the thinking. Stop looking at walls, and looking at green. Yes. And the Jazz in the bandstand was really nice, too. And the Lemon Sorbet, and our Picnic hamper. Darn it! I need a Panama hat!

Cameron

2007-05-04T17:16:00.000-07:00

New Employee Questionnaire

2007-05-02T13:30:00.000-07:00

Started a new job this week, and I love getting to know new people, all the 'classic' new job questions and the process adjusting to new 'rules of small talk' between workmates. I liked it so much, I felt inspired!

+++++++++ +++++++++

New Employee Questionnaire

Welcome to the company. Here’s a personal message from your new boss:

“Glad to have you on board. Your first week can be full of questions that get in the way of you working. To prevent “small talk” getting in the way of REAL WORK please fill out this questionnaire. Copies of your team’s answers can be seen upon request.”

Please state (tick) if you enjoy the following to avoid any awkward “foot in mouth” moments.

Practical jokes (Both at your expense at others’)
Rude Jokes (naughty words or sex related)
Politically incorrect jokes. (However, your new workmates would like to respectively confirm that they ARE NOT racists or bigots.)

Please list a few items of interest for which inter-desk small talk can be cantered around. For example: Action movies, Kitchen Appliances, Cakes.

Likewise, please list a few items for which you have no knowledge or interest as to prevent you seeming rude when inter-desk “chat” is instigated by one of your new colleagues. For example “Mr.T”

If your birthday is in the next 4 weeks, please give a few gift ideas. If it is further in the future, be sure to provide us with enough character information to enable anything but M & S vouchers (everyone loves a Marks & Sparks’ Danish, eh?)

>While the following information may seem confidential or “private”, this is merely the kind of information that workmates would previously have found out through months of “small talk” and drunken confessions. (socialising is acceptable outside of work hours, but please be sure to fill in the Morning After Questionnaire(QTR6) to prevent any anecdotal small talk during work hours) Please aid the transition process by disclosing this information now. Or THEY WILL FIND OUT ANYWAY. People just find out these kind of things. It just happens.

Please tell us of any allergies or illnesses. Please state your hometown and political, sexual and racial persuasion. Please tell us the name of your car, your middle name, your partner. Please disclose any previous humorous haircuts you may have sported. Please tell everyone your vital stats, any tattoos.

please list any DVD’s you would be willing to lend to anyone, likewise please state your position on workmates borrowing your stationary.

Jest. No offence to or relation with either my current or any previous employers/colleagues.

TO MUCH not TOO MUCH

2006-04-30T16:33:00.000-07:00

Letter received Friday- from FREEDOM FINANCE. I wonder if this is libellous, name-dropping like that. Well, maybe they should bloody spell things better on their letters! Ever heard of PROOF READING, you schmucks?! Friday was a good day to me, had an interview, half-successful, and fun. Then I get home, to spend a nice few minutes taking a look at my unsolicited postal mail. And, not only am I amused by the quality of the copywriting ploys of the letters, but I spot a really stupid typing error… No, No- not in my name, or address as is standard- but in the silly place of the main body text! And the largest text on the letter! Oh silly people! I rang up the number on the letter, and told the guy in the call centre- he wasn’t too impressed, either! Note: Freedom Finance, if you are reading this, please let me know if you don’t like it, maybe we can talk- but not about a loan!! Not so long as your skills with a calculator are as good as your spelling! And one more thing- “homeowners only” …I rent!!!

2006-04-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

LeeMooreBat Productions [I'm the Moore part, by the way.] Presents The Adventures of the Ginger Muskateer http://gingerknight.blogspot.com/

2006-03-08T14:14:00.000-08:00

Bannana. Now Eaten.It was Bloody lovley. [c]Nicholas Moore 2006.

2006-02-28T12:33:00.000-08:00

File found in an old forgotten corner of a dieing hardrive. Wednesday, April 07, 2004, 12:07:02 AM I think it refers to an artwork I created for my degree, exhibiting some things I stole, with poetic descriptions- but this thought comes mainly from the folder in whihc the file was found, not a memory or content. I like this work, and am glad I found it. It has a good ending. Book I took a book and never read it; I took a word and never wrote it I bought a drink and never drank ate it. I had a meal and never ate it. I had sat there for quite some time, Hoping for chance unseen, hoping for a black moment in the sea of white in which I was sat. I knew that the window, although always open would only be accessible for a period small. I had to act, I had to do it. I had to act, I had to have it. I had a book, I never read it, I had a drink I never touched it. I wanted it, I wanted you, I have the book and you are gone. I never imagined a book would sit alongside me, staring back. I never imagined a book would sit alongside me, leaving you behind. In my mind you sit, never to be moved, and in my hands the book does lay, already once has it been moved. The book I never read, the future I never saw, now one is the other, yet one is miles away while I breathe the same air as the other. The two should never have been this far apart. The book should have been able to be read, I should have been able to read. I should have seen the final page. It would have spoiled the story, but It may have squashed the rage. I wish we were a book, like my seated friend, I wish you were a reference book, with your ending at your beginning. © Nicholas Moore 2004/2006

2006-02-19T17:43:00.000-08:00

Ode to the Atkins diet

When i died i went to Heaven
Sat outside, me and seven
There we 8 sat, and we waited
To see our god, with breath a baited.
one guy waited, seated quiet
"I died from the Atkins Diet"
"Not enough bread, and too much meat"
"eventually knocked me off my feet"
"i can't wait to walk right in-"
"In heaven pasta's not a sin!"

(c)2005 nm

2006-01-29T15:24:00.000-08:00

Random rambelings about a nice chap called Waldo.

2006-01-29T15:19:00.000-08:00

Glasses. Cut out from a self portarit I did, of a photo of me.
I got these glasses free from Pizza Hut in a 'Garfield' Goody Bag inteneded for children.

2006-01-29T14:58:00.000-08:00

Serching in a drawer, tidying and stuff, i found this. no date; no idea

But it did have some interesting typos, and an interesting lack of puctuation- so I ammended it before I scanned it. Here it is. Lovley. Click the link, or image to see it large

2006-01-16T11:09:00.000-08:00

ooh. The pain. the pain. The dental treatment continues, and occupies my mind greatly. "DENTAL PAIN,"

2006-01-03T16:25:00.000-08:00

2006-01-03T12:07:00.000-08:00

The Ballad of The Quest for The Notepad That Is Special In Many Ways.

I search all day for just one book,
But fiction this is not
For what i want, it seems to me
No Waterstones has got.

The book i want is empty,
And it's pages are unwritten
But they are not all blank, i tell thee,
The lines they make me smitten.

The book i want is not ruled,
it's lines go up and across,
It's pages are squared, that's right!
But my search, i fear is lost.

They have it not in Staples,
I looked in WH Smiths,
I eved checked the shelves of Woolworths,
And even they didn't have it.

So lonley i walk around the shops,
looking for my squared paper notebook,
I even searched with Google,
Where else is there for me to look?

Then waiting for the bus one day,
I stand staring at a shop
A window full of pens and stuff,
and bright red sign on top.

"DTB's the stationers" it said,
And then it came to me-
" a notebook is like a pen!"
"it's an item of staionary!"

So in I went, real hopeful,
Hopeful? i don't know why!
But i searched the shelves
'til eventually I cry:

"I found it, brother!"
[for he was shopping with me]
"It's a notebook with squared paper!"
"it's real, just come and see"

Now Terry didn't see the fuss,
"just a notebook! Who cares!"
But this book has twice the lines!
Vertical and horizontal make squares!

now when I use my notepad,
My notes can dance and sing!
They aint stuck to no horizontey line!
They go anywhere- they spring.

I can write this way and that,
Diagonals are a problem, yes-
But it's like an 'Etch a sketch
i can do it, but It's hard, I mjst confess.

The squares they give me freedom,
for my pen to dance, not just write!
And if I use an Orange pen,
The Future's looking bright.

So today I use a keyboard,
To praise by bunch of pages,
'cos to scan in all my scribbles
Would take ages and ages.

But fear not sqaured-paper fans-
For the scanning, it will happen!
But give me a while to practice "diagos",
And you can wait til 'then!

HaHa!
I love my squared paper notebook, and Am so Glad I found it!

I dedicate this poem, nay- this blog to

DTB's The Stationer.
33 Wine Street,
Bristol,
BS1 2BH
England
Phone: 0117 930 0040
[44] 117 930 0040

if you ever need a notepad. you know where to go.

2005-12-25T01:50:00.000-08:00

The Christmas Poem 2005.

Happy Christmas, war is over,
Merry Christmas everyone.
Happy Christmas, where is Santa?
Hurry up, the turkey's done!

Pull out the sprouties,
grab Christmas pud,
Watch the Queen's speech,
Apparantly we shoud.

But it's always boring,
she does drone on,
"hello to troops",
"in Afghanist-on"

But never mind,
there'll be a film shown
always a classic
[the dvd you own]

Now it's almost over,
and it's time to drink
you'll end up huddled
over the kitchen sink.

tinsel in your pants,
dribble on your chin
looking at the washing up
with your sick in.

Isn't Christmas time,
one for excess?
Without it, what chance have we,
of a festive success?

So yank out the turkey,
pop off the champers
Don't let the Kingdom Hall
put a dampers

-On your christmas,
'cos it's all fun
And will be ll worth it
when new Year comes.

2005-12-23T05:25:00.000-08:00

Today I had a filling, and now it really hurts, as the anesthetic wears off.

2005-12-22T18:02:00.000-08:00

2005-12-22T17:02:00.000-08:00

Today, at work I had a traumatic experience. It is near Christmas time,

And there was a nice collection of Chocolates to share.

But never has a happy ending seemed so far away...

The Song of the Missing Fudge.

Based on true events.

Excited I dive into the tin,

But it has go no fudges in

I look for MINUTES for just one pink one,

But then discover what they’ve done.

Those Buggers at the chocolate factorie

Have swapped each for a sodding Yorkie!

Yorkie? Fudge! It’s not the same,

Why you laughing? It’s not a game!

What’s Quality Street without a Fudge?

I’m really angry, I WON’T BUDGE.

“It’s ok Nick, as if in a dream,

“You can have a strawberry cream”